saw bash last night & i'm going again tonight - the last night, with D (who doesn't write books about cars) & M (new housemate).
last night it was the pigs, was going to be E as well but she didn't make it, this & other small petty thoughts about my life, tiny grievances, melted into nothing as the play got under way with bo & nash beside me... i went on wednesday too & met the writer Neil Labute albeit briefly.
i was going to go to an enlightened discussion group with the andrew cohen people this afternoon but timing didn't quite work, instead just dealing with a few things i need to deal with, leisurely saturday, lent M my bilingual pablo neruda & borrowed ghost of chance from her, a late burroughs that i haven't read before. i've put this picture up in contrast to the very grey day we're having today out there,...
went out to the amazon for breakfast with spski today, really nice, on the way home i had my hand in my pocket & i could only feel one of the two small cylindrical objects that i always have with me... when i got in i checked and i found that i had my lipsalve but that i did not have my arnica, nowhere @ home either (that i can see)...
exactly four weeks ago today, as i was recording the music to bash, i had a hard time, stress, emotional bruising, i reached for my arnica & i'd left it @ home. strange to be without something that you know helps you in troubled times. i remember when i bought arnica for the first time (instead of josiah just giving me some every now & again), it was one of those times when me & E were breaking up and i accepted that my life would be hard for a while, this at least a year ago. i forgave myself any mad behaviour that was coming, the kind of bigness of heart that i have towards others sometimes when they are going through stuff, i told it to myself. always have arnica with you...
& now i don't have that kind of trauma going on, i am finding this season a bit hard, not depression as such but a little troubled, so i find myself getting over small troubles almost every day (don't we all) and as i'm accepting that as where i'm @ this autumn i'm not reaching for the arnica, getting more used to dealing with stuff without it,
i just hope i get some more before i have any big upset to deal with...
x
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