retrospect post how do i travel from jaded to responsible?

i'm putting this is on friday 9th july, 1:20am, just because i'm remembering this time and this feeling:

in a staff training day, enjoying it, have rehearsed the night before with band, have keys to the building still, haven't yet put them where they belong... in a break i get a very brief talking to from boss about this, telling off effectively, completely pushes me into this familiar jaded, humiliated state in relation to my job.

come back to the training and at first i can't even concentrate on what's being said, so annoyed / upset i feel.

i write in my notebook, "how do i travel from jaded to responsible? - what do i do?"

responsible being the attitude i have found most helpful in amongst all this work doubt stuff. i am responsible for my life. my actions and behaviour are the consequence of how i live my life. the choices i have made. this work nonsense has derived from my actions.

in the few weeks prior to this i have swung mainly between these two poles, jaded or responsible.

after a while the training re-engages me and i get back into it, jaded feeling recedes... but the question remains, what do i do? and i know i do something because i have felt jaded so much at work, but i have worked effectively as well, which comes from being alive to the world, being responsible...