parallels

surreal experience today, rehearsing with the band i play in, not my band, not my material, the band that i play in. rehearsing in my workplace, on a sunday, one of the percs of working here so long. before we start i talk with P, tell him i'm thinking of leaving the band, so it's out there if you will, only him, he's sympathetic in his way.

so we're playing, and i'm thinking about the parallels with the time i was leaving AT's band, becoming less involved in recording, so my voice isn't heard so much on the finished thing, (voice being keys or singing), also the parallels with my work, feeling jaded,...

almost like time travel, whilst playing, which is central to my life, how i define myself, reviewing the situations i've been in, am in, looking for links, wondering about why i did it then, why i'm thinking of it now, i guess trying to avoid falling into the same patterns. and at the same time really enjoying playing, great bass player deping for us on this next gig, very natural feel,... at one point i was leaning back, looking at the keyboard, readying myself to go at it, somehow really digging that feeling... how will i have that kind of experience if i leave this band?

almost like now i'm really considering giving it up, my life is showing me just what it is i'm thinking of leaving...

we have a gig next sunday at the spitz, the day after my acoustic gig. actually how i love doing it, putting the one right next to the other, two different expressions of my musical life.

so when i go home (i'm posting this from my work) me and K are going over to M's house, where the saturday gig is, to go through some stuff, check out the space. it's been a lovely thing for me, gradually tunes surfacing in my consciousness that i want to play, my fingers remembering how to play things i haven't played for a while, thinking of doing bach's C major piece from the well tempered clavier, maybe with gounod's ave maria over it.. you can't be mine came back to me easily enough,...

and i spoke to H today, who played cello with me last summer, i've been ringing her for months with no response until today, i invited her to the gig but she's doing a show that night, but she's up for playing from late july, maybe getting a band together...