an old friend of cedric's round for the night, i've met her before, really nice, she's just spent quite a sum on an accordion, a little more than i spent last year on the suit... so i found myself recounting the story of the accordion gig i found myself doing last summer, a story i'm fond of and which was appreciated, the fact that i had to do the gig, the fact that i was clumsy on the accordion... i realise now, rereading that post from july that i didn't include a part i told tonight in our kitchen... that later on, after doing the accordion gig, going out and getting mushroomed up again in the beautiful festival night... i stumbled back into the small world stage and saw a really great accordion player... and i felt shame, that on that same stage i'd presumed to just pick up an accordion and play it badly... there she was, notes flowing out... all that i wasn't...
anyway, it's funny that i should tell that story tonight as i've been thinking on a similar theme today as the bulk of that july post, about losing piano's, feeling voiceless, but the voice bubbling up like an underwater spring, forcing it's way through another channel... which is what that july time was all about for me...
today i got to work and once again i was given a gift, this time in the shapeof my students not turningup to my first lesson, which meant that i could just sit and play that piano which i chose for my work and which i love...
and i thought about being voiceless, as i'm still pretty voiceless, still feel that frustration of wanting to sing but not having the voice for it... and the same thing was happening as back in july, this time my physical voice failing me, but my voice surging forth from my fingers, that piano - slightly in need of a tune, resonating and singing for me this morning...
also because harbour walls is done now, it's like my creativity has been let loose, a tune i started back @ christmas on my mum & dad's piano, came out again, i wrote some lyrics for it after a shaky night with P awhile back, layer upon layer of ecstatic melodies coming out today... played through all my recent tunes, from midnight, love is lies, on my mind to harbour walls, ... to get a module that could approach the experience of a good, real piano... the audition that i did last week that i probably didn't get has put me in a strange place about my lovely module...
how lucky have i been this week, to balance out how odd it has been to have ny voice taken, but to be given this much in terms of chance freedoms...
just wanted to say that i appreciate it, thankyou universe...
x
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