brinksmanship validation through questioning stolen kisses

so me and hundreds of other last minute tax returners qued @ the inland revenue office by warren street tube... having felt a certain affirmation in who i am over these past few days (i am he who does his tax return at the last minute) it was eerie to be amongst so many others, also kind of a purgatory air to it...

toyed with just handing it in but i decided to opt for the longer, slower que for help... got to the front of this que, (que? how do you spell that word?) and a nice woman asked if she could answer my question or whether i wanted to wait even longer for a tax advisor, only she didn't put it like that and i foolishly asked her my question...

and not only did she throw doubt on my thinking, she threw doubt with that of course not tone of voice, that look in her eyes... well of course it's not like that...

well i'd better talk to an advisor then, you're sure though? because i if this is true then i'm wrong and i've been wrong for...

so i took my seat in a decidedly shaken manner, waiting for an advisor, this tax return business has so scared me over the years and my relative calm these days is so hard won, sent right back to my original state of bewilderment 4 or so years ago when a very nice man answered the phone and told me that it was alright and i just had to put this number here, this number there... a perfect example of good work, unmatched in any of my dealings with the inland revenue since then...

my turn came, i sat down with an advisor, she looked at my figures, she tapped it into her computer,... correct to the pence.

but if i'd been told that at the start by...

she is a receptionist, not a tax advisor.

and that's just that, and in the end glad to be validated even if i had to have the scary doubt first... one more step towards further peace in dealing with the inland revenue, and i would tell myself never to be like that first woman today but there's no way i could be like her... and even as i write this it occurs to me that that just isn't true, i'd like to think i'll never make someone doubt their truth in that dismissive way when they're right but who knows maybe i do it too?

but the point is it's done, handed in, over...

and that's what this day feels like, freedom,

that and pulling P towards me in the park stealing a few kisses...

x