cold vulnerable murakami rant?

am now sucking on three arnica tablets, i'm impressed that it's only three, i really wonder about arnica, does it really help or is it just psychosomatic, (there was no way i was ever going to be able to spell that word), well, even if it is all in my head, that's where it needs to be anyway...

so i am close to finishing the last piece of the bash quartet, in fact i think it is finished i just need to learn to play it... no mean feat, part of what i liked about this murakami play was the performers ability to carry off really hard things with real grace, i feel this more today because of the dexterity my piece demands of me,

once again the DAT failed, still no actual recordings, but me & edge are heading over there shortly armed with spski's minidisk as a backup so it should get rolling from there... as it failed this morning (well, around midday) i reached for my arnica and found i'd left it at home. naked. pushed on with the writing of the 4th part but it is so hard dealing with the stress of things not working, messes with one's consciousness... left there and headed into town for the play, edgy.

found them, 4 people on a 4 person table, E least accessible of them all, in a really noisy cafe, i'm a little concerned about my hearing today, i seem to be missing things, i sure missed a lot in that cafe, the sound reflecting off everything, clatter,

i guess i was hoping to speak to E alone for a short spell today, and to cut a long story short i did not get to do that, in fact it felt like i hadn't met her at all. this was hideous. the play was great, in three parts, somewhat about being out of balance, which is odd because bash is also in three parts, somewhat about being out of balance,

of the three short stories that the murakami play is based on, i have the most vivid memory of reading theone about sleeplessness, i think i was experiencing sleeplessness as i was reading it, i don't like the way the story ends, and i didn't like it in theatre form either, very distressing, not to say not good, just distressing.

something about this time with E reminds me of a time a year and a half ago, i don't intend to go into the details of the situation here, but there was confusion and there was betrayal, the betrayal leading to a huge anger on my part. now i don't see betrayal in this situation except in a more abstract way, but that time is in my mind. haruki murakami came to london back then and he was doing a reading in the prince charles cinema on a night when i was meeting J my ex-girlfriend, i'd introduced haruki murakami to her, (as i did for E too), and i wanted to take her (J) to the reading... but it was sold out. i later found out that E had managed to get in to the reading, with D, a mutual guitar playing friend. i was so angry at the time that this just made me angrier, completely irrationally, but it did, so much so that when her house was flooded and almost all of her haruki murakami books were destroyed i couldn't help but feel it as some equalising force... such is the stupidity that anger and love can bring,...

so all i'm saying is that it's odd that murakami should be here (in the form of this play) as well as the other things that remind me of that time, that's all, noticing that,

and really, really not liking this coldness from E. but then i wouldn't would i? & if she has to go through this then she has to go through it, it's not easy for her, still don't like it though.

ok edge here,

lets record some piano

x