longcat in mono

about to go out and start the doctors process... register at the doctors on the corner, make an appointment for as soon as possible...

it's been a week and it hasn't cleared up so doctor bound am i... just as most of the women in my life are telling me to go there (sister, ex-girlfriend, long-lost-once-was-squeeze)...

so hopefully this will mean an end to this situation in the nearish future... but while it's here i want to mention a few facets of it...

1stly it's odd that i listen to most of my music these days through a mono speaker anyway... the TV is stereo and headphones (when i listen to music from my phone) are too but mostly i listen to music from my computer through spotify... (like i'm doing now, with the mono speaker on my left hand side, with the ear that works... lovely album by Bill Frisell, Paul Motion & Ron Carter)...

2ndly - it may be an illusion but i can hear my singing voice clearer now, so singing in tune is easier...

this is something to do with the background noise being more foreground i think... although i can't tell you why right now...

3rdly it has been very odd and a little like taking hallucinogenic drugs... in that i feel somewhat at odds with the world... at some distance from it... like the world is behind a sheet of glass...

and then there's the pain, when i yawn, swallow, that kind of thing, not all the time when i do these things but quite a lot of the time, and i've been taking pain killers but i don't know if they've been working...

and when i'm in pain, i become a much simpler human being... i can't deal with as much as i normally can and my world shrinks down to the space in my head...

ok 4thly... the space in my head... i have this odd movement of my jaw which i've been conscious of for a year or so now, i tend to do it when i'm lying down ready to sleep... i move my jaw so that i get a sensation of pushing against something... although i don't know what it is i'm pushing against...

only now, with this ear thing, i do the pushing thing and somehow one of my teeth - (whose filling fell out ages ago and i haven't been to the dentist about) connects with the pushy jaw thing which in turn connects with the ear pain, and it all hurts...

it's amazing... and irritating... i wish i could stop doing it... when both pains are there sometimes my brain interprets them both as a major third (2 musical pitches).. high up (because the pain is in my head)... i blogged about this sort of thing once before... hmmm... no, can't find it... anyway... must go to the doctors x