i'll be loving you always

on friday, having taken a fair few minidisks out with me to make sure i had the right one for evidence of students work, after the moderation i realised i didn't have my book with me, so i selected a random minidisk and set off on the journey home,

that minidisk was a recording i'd made over several weeks when my work with elderly people in newham was coming to an end, maybe 2 - 3 years ago?

one of the songs i'd recorded was called always. i think it's written by noel coward and it's sung by the ghost in blythe spirit:

i'll be loving you - always
with a love that's true - always
- - - - - - your plans
need a helping hand
i will understand - always - always
------ ------- -------
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not for just an hour
not for just a day
not for just a year
but always

it appears a couple of times on the disk & on one the voice of this man is particularly prominent. so in my head, even though he can't have looked like the image i have of him, the song is being sung by this one character, a very rounded voice, quite ghost like, also quite like the voice of G - who worked with me under C all those years ago. back to the man on the disk though, i think he was bald. his voice makes him sound a little helpless.

so it's been in my head these past couple of days.

i slept very well last night, having returned from the camp to my own bed. when i came in i saw caroline and she told me we'd received a letter from cedric nash, i was too tired to read it then and i read when i woke up today. it was lovely. one ofthe things it's saying is that he's decided to leave london, which means of course leaving this house.

cedric nash came back from india just over a month ago, he stayed for a week or two then went off to france to take part in a meditation / walk with 160 others. he was due to return last week but he phoned and said he'd be staying out there, working on a house. i miss him hugely. when i heard he would be away for a further three weeks it struck me. when i heard today that he's begun the process of moving out this song came to my lips, i'll be loving you - always, and my voice broke as i was singing it, almost crying... made me want to call E, close this distance. then in fact i heard cedric nash on the phone to C, and she's just told me that he's giving his official notice to this house, so he won't be coming back except to get his stuff in a few weeks.

so this is sad, but positive for cedric, and surely will be positive for us in the end. inspires me to write to him, another one to add to that list.

x