strange couple of days thursday and friday, both spent oscillating between real dark depression and light, both evenings some wonderful out there business, thursday the gig i played, friday seeing gillian welch @ the shepherds bush empire, really wonderful.
she played with her musical partner david rawlings and they were really something, reminded me of seeing elliott smith on the same stage many years before, emotional, deeply emotional. got drinking backstage with R, D's manager who had got us into the gig, lovely fella, a little marching powder as well led the evening way later than any of us intended, for a while we were with K, D's sound engineer, the empire being her day job, but it ended with us 4 guys, D, R & me with B, i guess he was the venue manager, lovely night, genuine people, very nice.
and i even got to speak to gillian welch (not ready for first name terms yet), i told her that her being in the world and writing and performing her music makes a big difference to my life. just the way it is really. what a woman.
so battered today of course, got to bed at around 8 after going back to D's, trawling the streets of brixton & camberwell to score a little green, to no avail, it seems the police have clamped down recently and there's none to be had, everyone a little edgy, in the end we smoked the narguile (clearly not spelt like that) and sipped tea, i drifted home eventually, even managing to read the first chapter of they came like swallows by William Maxwell which i'd bought before the gig, almost 12 hours before.
it promises to be lovely, and is already gorgeous, also picked up on the mountain by thomas bernard today, really arresting writing, i bought it the same day i bought dummy by portishead when i was living @ home just before i moved to london, that book and that music woven together...
E is getting married today, who i once flirted with and wrote long letters to, HB is getting married on october 2nd, meeting her for a pint shortly before i head down to new cross for this mad party that i may play at, although it's too far and not worth it to take my keyboard, maybe there'll be one there,
gradually becoming oneself again after battering the night before, one of the hidden pleasures of that stuff, not always to my taste, but once in a blue moon, particularly with conversation of such quality...
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Friday, July 30, 2004
inside and outside
so i got down there,
i met D on the tube, which was good because i would of got lost without her, made it to the gig, skipped off to meet BW, cemented into his world, composing the music for his play... lovely to see him,
then back to the gig, set myself up, started playing / singing, with S & S on percussion, SQ (cutting a certain adhoc dash), & SE (clarinet weilding), SE speeding up, which points to why i have been loving the atmosphere of the small world stage, my music at it's own pace,... but nevertheless, nice gig, silly games, beranice, 5 thing i wrote in the shower today, on my mind, midnight, and then i watched the 5 piece doing their (our) thing, very odd,
R was there, original south african drummer, talking with B, who we finally found to fill his shoes, just as R comes back, lovely lovely lovely to see R, sweetness himself,
great chat with scottish S, about tradition, intellectuall nourishment, creativity,... no L, sadly,
touch of rain as i lugged keyboard & stand & tent back home, smelling & feeling like perfection,
x
i met D on the tube, which was good because i would of got lost without her, made it to the gig, skipped off to meet BW, cemented into his world, composing the music for his play... lovely to see him,
then back to the gig, set myself up, started playing / singing, with S & S on percussion, SQ (cutting a certain adhoc dash), & SE (clarinet weilding), SE speeding up, which points to why i have been loving the atmosphere of the small world stage, my music at it's own pace,... but nevertheless, nice gig, silly games, beranice, 5 thing i wrote in the shower today, on my mind, midnight, and then i watched the 5 piece doing their (our) thing, very odd,
R was there, original south african drummer, talking with B, who we finally found to fill his shoes, just as R comes back, lovely lovely lovely to see R, sweetness himself,
great chat with scottish S, about tradition, intellectuall nourishment, creativity,... no L, sadly,
touch of rain as i lugged keyboard & stand & tent back home, smelling & feeling like perfection,
x
Thursday, July 29, 2004
voices
so i spent much of today sat in front of my old sound module, teasing out some great sounds from it, strange that when i first found that piano i'm still mourning for now i was playing this vintage keys thing at gigs regularly.
now i'm about to get dressed and go out and play the thing, check out how it fits with other musicians, also to meet BW, to talk about his play that i'm going to write some music for,
SP hurt his paw, related a long story in manolis's that i will have to repeat to you later...
x
now i'm about to get dressed and go out and play the thing, check out how it fits with other musicians, also to meet BW, to talk about his play that i'm going to write some music for,
SP hurt his paw, related a long story in manolis's that i will have to repeat to you later...
x
that story (retrospective post from 26/9)
it doesn't take a fucking scientist to tell you that, his voice goes up several octaves as he reads something in the paper, looking over at his breakfast which is frying away nicely, some of those fried potatoes are going to push me towards my day, anyway, that story from back then:
from The Maltese Falcon, for some reason Humphrey Bogart's character (whose partner has been shot, on his way to meet Mary Astor's character), has arranged to meet both Mary Astor and Peter Lorre (going by actors rather than characters), at his appartment. While they are there the police come to the door to speak to Bogart, about his dead partner. Bogart talks to the police outside his appartment, holding them off effectively and just as the police are leaving there is a sound from within the appartment, a slap or a scream spski can't remember which, alerting the police to Lorre and Astor's presence. Bogart on the spot makes up a reason for them being there, Lorre is taken down to the station for questioning.
much later Lorre and Bogart meet again and Lorre says to Bogart (something like):
Frankly Mr Spade, I don't want to be alone with you, as each time i'm alone with you... something happens.
That story you fabricated was ridiculous, i felt distinctly foolish having to repeat it.
spski felt the same about his poor paw, spski being Lorre, his hand in a sling Bogart.
x
from The Maltese Falcon, for some reason Humphrey Bogart's character (whose partner has been shot, on his way to meet Mary Astor's character), has arranged to meet both Mary Astor and Peter Lorre (going by actors rather than characters), at his appartment. While they are there the police come to the door to speak to Bogart, about his dead partner. Bogart talks to the police outside his appartment, holding them off effectively and just as the police are leaving there is a sound from within the appartment, a slap or a scream spski can't remember which, alerting the police to Lorre and Astor's presence. Bogart on the spot makes up a reason for them being there, Lorre is taken down to the station for questioning.
much later Lorre and Bogart meet again and Lorre says to Bogart (something like):
Frankly Mr Spade, I don't want to be alone with you, as each time i'm alone with you... something happens.
That story you fabricated was ridiculous, i felt distinctly foolish having to repeat it.
spski felt the same about his poor paw, spski being Lorre, his hand in a sling Bogart.
x
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
losing pianos
i mourn your passing, beautiful piano,
though flawed and broken, you were the soul of this place,
you breathe out and you breathe in,
your hammers fail to sound on some your strings,
you fiercely resist tuning...
yesterday, after work, and after tate modern, (great video installation there, people on tube trains..), i got the number 17 outside st pauls heading home, but got off early @ the church by chancery lane that i've been checking out for years now,
i found out about st ethelreda's on ely place from a friend back when i was working doing telephone fundraising for charities. this guy (who's copy of anti-oedipus is still in my possession i'm slightly ashamed to say), told me about the oldest catholic church in london. i went and found it and found that in the crypt, or basement, with fantastic stained glass windows in greens and blues, there was a grand piano.
fairly recently moved to london as i was then, i was looking for pianos in the public domain that i could play, this one was special. (as in special schools). it was a bit trashed. certain notes didn't play, the tuning was pretty mad, it was like learning to improvise all over again, what notes work, what notes don't, building up that physical knowledge in your fingers... in such a fantastic space.
i guess i must have stopped going there so often after i stopped that work, but i kept going more and more infrequently, (just like my visits to the leather lane bagel bakery, or top nosh, also local to that area, right up my street foodwise, lovely people). then at some point last year, probably around this time, i found the church again, after an absence of who knows how long... i took S there once when she was pregnant with grace. a nearby french restaurant had taken over the basement and there were often events going on in there, it was a little harder to just stroll in and start playing, but i kept it up. i remember i visited it when i was writing on my mind last autumn. gradually it was moving away from a strange space that i'd found where i could be on my own, to a more public space, involved in commerce,...
so anyway, i strolled in yesterday and it seemed to be right back where it had been, maybe i just caught it at a good moment, completely dark but for these beautiful stained glass windows, coloured light making it seem not just subterranean but under water. so it took me a moment to realise that the piano had gone. i looked around the whole space, my eyes getting used to the dark, no piano. i started to sing, the first line of the words above...
so i'm in bereavement.
but there's other stuff at play too, some of which i want to express in this song. the piano going immediately made me start singing. in that space. that feeling of voicelessness i get at parties when guitars come out, got to such a pitch that i sang. voiceless? fuck that! i have a voice.
and this relates also to the festival, one central event at which was that after i'd got there, met the stage manager (lovely man - G), the sound engineer, lovely vibe in general from that main stage, wandered about abit, met S's friend pony who runs the small world stage, lovely talk about acoustic music feedback, piano's, sorted out a gig for my stuff... after all this loveliness, opening my keyboard case back at the main stage...
and my sound module was not there.
which means that my keyboard was useless (no sounds in at all, voiceless)...
which was a dark space to be in let me tell you.
so the gig had to happen, i borrowed a keyboard from someone, we did the gig, all fine and dandy, but i couldn't lug someone else's keyboard to the small world stage,...
that night after a fair few of mexico's finest magic mushrooms it became apparent to me that i had to play the small world stage. midnight - naked in rainwater. no choice, so i borrowed an accordion from A (kesha), lay down in a field and reaquainted myself with it, wrote out the chords for L & P (bass & guitar), had to really persuade P that he could play the guitar, halucinogens having battered him too.. S was right there playing percussion...
and you know it happened, it had to happen so it did happen. 4 tunes, silly games, citysick, beranice & midnight. citysick was deeply wrong and the audience just didn't give us any applause in that very democratic way, but the others worked, i was a little clumsy on the accordean but the gig happened and that was enough for me... went off and got all shamanic, entering the loose festical vibe once, maybe a few more stories from that later,
my point here again is the response to the voice going. the music forcing it's way through other channels.
mourning the loss of that voice but moving forward nonetheless with what you've got. the latest twist for me being now i'm home i still haven't found that sound module, the possibility that i left it @ the spitz on the 4th... only a possibility at this stage, but hardcore, both there, the mourning of that thing, along with the underwater spring forcing its way through.... poetic times.
x
though flawed and broken, you were the soul of this place,
you breathe out and you breathe in,
your hammers fail to sound on some your strings,
you fiercely resist tuning...
yesterday, after work, and after tate modern, (great video installation there, people on tube trains..), i got the number 17 outside st pauls heading home, but got off early @ the church by chancery lane that i've been checking out for years now,
i found out about st ethelreda's on ely place from a friend back when i was working doing telephone fundraising for charities. this guy (who's copy of anti-oedipus is still in my possession i'm slightly ashamed to say), told me about the oldest catholic church in london. i went and found it and found that in the crypt, or basement, with fantastic stained glass windows in greens and blues, there was a grand piano.
fairly recently moved to london as i was then, i was looking for pianos in the public domain that i could play, this one was special. (as in special schools). it was a bit trashed. certain notes didn't play, the tuning was pretty mad, it was like learning to improvise all over again, what notes work, what notes don't, building up that physical knowledge in your fingers... in such a fantastic space.
i guess i must have stopped going there so often after i stopped that work, but i kept going more and more infrequently, (just like my visits to the leather lane bagel bakery, or top nosh, also local to that area, right up my street foodwise, lovely people). then at some point last year, probably around this time, i found the church again, after an absence of who knows how long... i took S there once when she was pregnant with grace. a nearby french restaurant had taken over the basement and there were often events going on in there, it was a little harder to just stroll in and start playing, but i kept it up. i remember i visited it when i was writing on my mind last autumn. gradually it was moving away from a strange space that i'd found where i could be on my own, to a more public space, involved in commerce,...
so anyway, i strolled in yesterday and it seemed to be right back where it had been, maybe i just caught it at a good moment, completely dark but for these beautiful stained glass windows, coloured light making it seem not just subterranean but under water. so it took me a moment to realise that the piano had gone. i looked around the whole space, my eyes getting used to the dark, no piano. i started to sing, the first line of the words above...
so i'm in bereavement.
but there's other stuff at play too, some of which i want to express in this song. the piano going immediately made me start singing. in that space. that feeling of voicelessness i get at parties when guitars come out, got to such a pitch that i sang. voiceless? fuck that! i have a voice.
and this relates also to the festival, one central event at which was that after i'd got there, met the stage manager (lovely man - G), the sound engineer, lovely vibe in general from that main stage, wandered about abit, met S's friend pony who runs the small world stage, lovely talk about acoustic music feedback, piano's, sorted out a gig for my stuff... after all this loveliness, opening my keyboard case back at the main stage...
and my sound module was not there.
which means that my keyboard was useless (no sounds in at all, voiceless)...
which was a dark space to be in let me tell you.
so the gig had to happen, i borrowed a keyboard from someone, we did the gig, all fine and dandy, but i couldn't lug someone else's keyboard to the small world stage,...
that night after a fair few of mexico's finest magic mushrooms it became apparent to me that i had to play the small world stage. midnight - naked in rainwater. no choice, so i borrowed an accordion from A (kesha), lay down in a field and reaquainted myself with it, wrote out the chords for L & P (bass & guitar), had to really persuade P that he could play the guitar, halucinogens having battered him too.. S was right there playing percussion...
and you know it happened, it had to happen so it did happen. 4 tunes, silly games, citysick, beranice & midnight. citysick was deeply wrong and the audience just didn't give us any applause in that very democratic way, but the others worked, i was a little clumsy on the accordean but the gig happened and that was enough for me... went off and got all shamanic, entering the loose festical vibe once, maybe a few more stories from that later,
my point here again is the response to the voice going. the music forcing it's way through other channels.
mourning the loss of that voice but moving forward nonetheless with what you've got. the latest twist for me being now i'm home i still haven't found that sound module, the possibility that i left it @ the spitz on the 4th... only a possibility at this stage, but hardcore, both there, the mourning of that thing, along with the underwater spring forcing its way through.... poetic times.
x
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
turaya gathering
suicide tuesday is perhaps a little strong, but that's where i'm at, longest blog gap so far because i was out there at the turaya gathering living it sideways...
so many stories, such a rich event & now i must just sleep,
played on the main stage & @ the small world stage,... i'll tell you all about it...
x
so many stories, such a rich event & now i must just sleep,
played on the main stage & @ the small world stage,... i'll tell you all about it...
x
Thursday, July 22, 2004
completion of work so i can enter the festival vibe
so i'm @ work once more, completing a mound of paperwork in preparation for the next academic year, meeting a deadline... deadline, good word.
thinking about this work i'm doing now, how it is a living thing, and how it must be finished, become not living, be dead, set in stone, by the time i cross that line, that deadline.
i could have done this at home but i like it this way, keeping my work @ work, so when i go home tonight it's all done, killed, and i can prepare myself for the weekend, which starts tonight when S gets to me around 12:30am. then we set off for the festival @ around 7am, play the gig @1:30pm, (rubbish time to play a gig, i hope there will be an audience), then pitch the tent, see what the festival has to offer.
remembering festivals from years ago when i used to do them more, it's been five years or so since i last did glastonbury, the two consecutive rain/mud glastonbury's were my last, playing with Hotel Full of Cops, rocking beakbeat band, sitting with J, DJ, gazing at the rain and mud:
"well,... this is shit" (him)
then spanna jumped over the fence and we had a great time, spanna as straight as you like, breaking the law....
i used to get into this groovy vibe, dancing came easily by the end of festivals, where it is still always hard for me normally,
but i'm still here, this work,
i also gave a sack of cash over to my landlord today, some back rent, some future, trying to find a way through the next few months of limited income, the satisfaction of handing it over, my rent paid up until my next big pay check in october, the summer sitting there in between, poorer but freer...
x
thinking about this work i'm doing now, how it is a living thing, and how it must be finished, become not living, be dead, set in stone, by the time i cross that line, that deadline.
i could have done this at home but i like it this way, keeping my work @ work, so when i go home tonight it's all done, killed, and i can prepare myself for the weekend, which starts tonight when S gets to me around 12:30am. then we set off for the festival @ around 7am, play the gig @1:30pm, (rubbish time to play a gig, i hope there will be an audience), then pitch the tent, see what the festival has to offer.
remembering festivals from years ago when i used to do them more, it's been five years or so since i last did glastonbury, the two consecutive rain/mud glastonbury's were my last, playing with Hotel Full of Cops, rocking beakbeat band, sitting with J, DJ, gazing at the rain and mud:
"well,... this is shit" (him)
then spanna jumped over the fence and we had a great time, spanna as straight as you like, breaking the law....
i used to get into this groovy vibe, dancing came easily by the end of festivals, where it is still always hard for me normally,
but i'm still here, this work,
i also gave a sack of cash over to my landlord today, some back rent, some future, trying to find a way through the next few months of limited income, the satisfaction of handing it over, my rent paid up until my next big pay check in october, the summer sitting there in between, poorer but freer...
x
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
what a fuckin day to quote elliott smith
worked our arses off, rehearsed well, this could be the band that i need it to be, but still in two minds still,
"are you saying yes to this other gig?"
"i won't know until after the gig on friday"
"but i need to let them know"
"if i'm saying no to the gig it's because i'm saying no to the band, so you can say yes for the band either way"
painful to bring it out at this point, not that it's the first time, but it's really not decided, it honestly could go either way...
& i phoned dr K and she was cool, babysat like the best of them, baby sleeping now, trauma forgotten...
"are you saying yes to this other gig?"
"i won't know until after the gig on friday"
"but i need to let them know"
"if i'm saying no to the gig it's because i'm saying no to the band, so you can say yes for the band either way"
painful to bring it out at this point, not that it's the first time, but it's really not decided, it honestly could go either way...
& i phoned dr K and she was cool, babysat like the best of them, baby sleeping now, trauma forgotten...
what am i running on?
two arnica on the train here, left dr K holding the baby, inconsolable, just beginning to chill out in my arms, (feeling like a natural woman ... woman), had to come to this rehearsal, late, gentle smearing of baby food over me, gig in a couple of days, only rehearsal, no idea how i'm surviving today....
Monday, July 19, 2004
edward said sold out
ran from work to the ICA to catch edward said; the last interview, only one showing a day @ 6:30, got the train from london bridge to charing cross and sprinted through the crowds at trafalger square, only to find that it's sold out, and in fact it's sold out all week. they're not showing it again until august... so if there is that much demand to see that fabulous intellectual on film in homage after his death, surely some other screen should show it?
it came out in the midst of my financial turmoil and i knew it would only get a limited run, intellectual films don't last long @ cinemas, but they do come back,
so i lay down in that park by there (by the serpentine) and gazed at the sky, changed down a gear or three, read some, although i have to tell you this isabel allende book is really pissing me off, self satisfied or so it seems to me, my invented country is testing my reluctance to not finish books. a hundred or so pages in, over half way through the book, and only now does she start talking about the events of her life...
maybe it's just how it was with frank, really great at the start but got old and self important and missed the mark, i so enjoyed isabel allende when i started reading her, years ago, the house of the spirits, paula, eva luna, was i blind? am i blind now? does this cloud hanging over my head make me less patient with her?
well we'll see, L lent me memed, my hawk by Yeshar Kemal, maybe i'll leave isabel by the road side... L (bassist) was looking @ my bookshelf, he saw a lone harvill press book & said that he had often bought books because of that leopard on the spine, i showed him my other bookshelf almost filled with harvill press books, murakami, carver, ford, i feel the same way.
it came out in the midst of my financial turmoil and i knew it would only get a limited run, intellectual films don't last long @ cinemas, but they do come back,
so i lay down in that park by there (by the serpentine) and gazed at the sky, changed down a gear or three, read some, although i have to tell you this isabel allende book is really pissing me off, self satisfied or so it seems to me, my invented country is testing my reluctance to not finish books. a hundred or so pages in, over half way through the book, and only now does she start talking about the events of her life...
maybe it's just how it was with frank, really great at the start but got old and self important and missed the mark, i so enjoyed isabel allende when i started reading her, years ago, the house of the spirits, paula, eva luna, was i blind? am i blind now? does this cloud hanging over my head make me less patient with her?
well we'll see, L lent me memed, my hawk by Yeshar Kemal, maybe i'll leave isabel by the road side... L (bassist) was looking @ my bookshelf, he saw a lone harvill press book & said that he had often bought books because of that leopard on the spine, i showed him my other bookshelf almost filled with harvill press books, murakami, carver, ford, i feel the same way.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
double life frazzled edges coincidence
saw spiderman 2,
loved it.
much better than the first one, less obvious cgi, better story, alfred molina much better than willem dafoe as the baddy.
a little worn around the edges (me) so i loved it all the more, close to tears at times (no news there).
went to the party in blewbury last night, my sister K & her G came too. they arrived late and i'd got chatting to a nice young woman and her mum, and her mum's fella (D). this indonesian band were playing at the point when they came so this all happened in slow motion with our attention elsewhere. N (the girl) & K kept missing each other so i didn't introduce them for a little while, but when i did i was fumbling for D's name, mistakenly calling him trevor at first, confused by that awkwardness i was very confused when G went up to D & hugged him. after a while D said "the last time i saw these 2 was in durban",... and that was that, very odd coincidence. D is an old friend of G's parents. G & K had indeed met D in durban when they were out there a couple of months ago.
odd that K, G & D should all be @ that party in blewbury together. odder still that i happened to get chatting with N & therefore was in a position to introduce them. the whole episode twisted my head right up.
K & G left around 1:30 ish. i almost went with them, said a few goodbyes then ended up staying (strange habit i've fallen into before). in fact i stayed right through to the next morning, finally getting to bed around 5:30, hence my ragged edges today. saw some people i knew but also met a fair few people. when i'm vulnerable, (& i sure am vulnerable these days), it is a double edged sword meeting people at parties, low confidence always an option, means i'm sometimes vibrant sometimes quiet, strange face to show strangers. doubts can be fed, but beauty can be discovered too. a few of the indonesian musicians stayed up with guitars singing covers, really lovely, M (old friend) reckoned they didn't understand all the words just copied them phonetically. strange thought watching them sing really emotional songs. i felt muted as ever with no keyboard but i got over it & sang for all we know unaccompanied. just as i'd done that night in manolis's last autumn, dissapointed over the missed tea date with the woman who i later wrote on my mind for, (still haven't sung it to her). trampolined too, while drunk, with others, all sense of control going, drifting from order to chaos and back again. very odd.
x
loved it.
much better than the first one, less obvious cgi, better story, alfred molina much better than willem dafoe as the baddy.
a little worn around the edges (me) so i loved it all the more, close to tears at times (no news there).
went to the party in blewbury last night, my sister K & her G came too. they arrived late and i'd got chatting to a nice young woman and her mum, and her mum's fella (D). this indonesian band were playing at the point when they came so this all happened in slow motion with our attention elsewhere. N (the girl) & K kept missing each other so i didn't introduce them for a little while, but when i did i was fumbling for D's name, mistakenly calling him trevor at first, confused by that awkwardness i was very confused when G went up to D & hugged him. after a while D said "the last time i saw these 2 was in durban",... and that was that, very odd coincidence. D is an old friend of G's parents. G & K had indeed met D in durban when they were out there a couple of months ago.
odd that K, G & D should all be @ that party in blewbury together. odder still that i happened to get chatting with N & therefore was in a position to introduce them. the whole episode twisted my head right up.
K & G left around 1:30 ish. i almost went with them, said a few goodbyes then ended up staying (strange habit i've fallen into before). in fact i stayed right through to the next morning, finally getting to bed around 5:30, hence my ragged edges today. saw some people i knew but also met a fair few people. when i'm vulnerable, (& i sure am vulnerable these days), it is a double edged sword meeting people at parties, low confidence always an option, means i'm sometimes vibrant sometimes quiet, strange face to show strangers. doubts can be fed, but beauty can be discovered too. a few of the indonesian musicians stayed up with guitars singing covers, really lovely, M (old friend) reckoned they didn't understand all the words just copied them phonetically. strange thought watching them sing really emotional songs. i felt muted as ever with no keyboard but i got over it & sang for all we know unaccompanied. just as i'd done that night in manolis's last autumn, dissapointed over the missed tea date with the woman who i later wrote on my mind for, (still haven't sung it to her). trampolined too, while drunk, with others, all sense of control going, drifting from order to chaos and back again. very odd.
x
Saturday, July 17, 2004
enabling mobility spanna blewbury bound
just had breakfast with my goddaughter and her mum @ the amazon. P's sister was there with a 2 yr old (only know one name for her so no pseudonym as yet) and they very kindly lent us their groovy chair, allowing grace to sit at the table with us, so we could eat our food without one of us holding her, and she can sit and eat her cold chips with us. well we were so impressed by this innovation that we went straight into mothercare and got one, and we were pleased as punch, and i mean pleased as punch. it fits under the buggy and it means grace can sit at table with her mum (& godfather) wherever she goes. honestly, two beaming adults cavorting down holloway road, singing i never knew there was a love like this before.
another last day yesterday, and funki g left for amsterdam. her friend went to her house & packed all her stuff then came and picked her up after work. i waved her off and then went to the pub to drink with my departing students, very nice indeed. and then i got one of those texts from spanna, are you in town? and she came and met my (ex) students... eventually we strolled along the thames, ate in pizza express (would so like to find a better place to eat round there), spoke about stuff. spoke a little about E, she was around last weekend and is in on disturbances, actually made me very sad. that has been part of the cloud i've been under all week and maybe i haven't given it enough space in my head... how upset i was without that phonecall on my birthday, though i understand why, understanding but hurting was a tune i wrote a decade ago after talking with stone, E related back then... but lovely to see spanna, i hadn't really talked to her properly since she'd been back, didn't have a clear picture of her deal with T, (who hasn't been keeping his part of our text chess game recently from budapest), not that there is a clear picture to be had... after the meal we went down onto the beach, low tide, walked along passed the oxo tower, odd space to be in, so many people up on the thames walk, drinking, out on a friday night, so separate to be on that vulnerable patch of land that is underwater every day. i've never been down there that close to nighttime, quite eerie. just the kind of space i love. spanna exactly the kind of person i want to be with for that kind of experience... "you're walking on skulls, on SKULLS" someone yelled down to us.
anyway i'm blewbury bound, late as ever, old, old friend having a barbecue, basskid was saying he had known some of his friends for 10 years, me speaking of this friend who i've known for 26 years...
x
another last day yesterday, and funki g left for amsterdam. her friend went to her house & packed all her stuff then came and picked her up after work. i waved her off and then went to the pub to drink with my departing students, very nice indeed. and then i got one of those texts from spanna, are you in town? and she came and met my (ex) students... eventually we strolled along the thames, ate in pizza express (would so like to find a better place to eat round there), spoke about stuff. spoke a little about E, she was around last weekend and is in on disturbances, actually made me very sad. that has been part of the cloud i've been under all week and maybe i haven't given it enough space in my head... how upset i was without that phonecall on my birthday, though i understand why, understanding but hurting was a tune i wrote a decade ago after talking with stone, E related back then... but lovely to see spanna, i hadn't really talked to her properly since she'd been back, didn't have a clear picture of her deal with T, (who hasn't been keeping his part of our text chess game recently from budapest), not that there is a clear picture to be had... after the meal we went down onto the beach, low tide, walked along passed the oxo tower, odd space to be in, so many people up on the thames walk, drinking, out on a friday night, so separate to be on that vulnerable patch of land that is underwater every day. i've never been down there that close to nighttime, quite eerie. just the kind of space i love. spanna exactly the kind of person i want to be with for that kind of experience... "you're walking on skulls, on SKULLS" someone yelled down to us.
anyway i'm blewbury bound, late as ever, old, old friend having a barbecue, basskid was saying he had known some of his friends for 10 years, me speaking of this friend who i've known for 26 years...
x
Friday, July 16, 2004
there are people starving in the world
there are people starving in the world and you want to put your milk into your tea...
very odd, 30p is cheap for a cup of tea, but that was odd,
so i woke up in real pain with my neck / back, having twisted right round in my sleep, dreaming of students, alternative methods of education (reading pedagogy of the oppressed before sleep), balthazara nuzzling me, (which probably wasn't a dream),
managed to get out of bed, but it hurt, took some ibuprofen and some arnica, went back to sleep, then eventually woke up strangely content. still in pain though, certain students aware of the change in my posture, last day teaching a different course today,
& i saw F last night, turns out there is a resonance between us in terms of our families, a certain quality we both have because we have some thing in common that we've both lived through,
x
very odd, 30p is cheap for a cup of tea, but that was odd,
so i woke up in real pain with my neck / back, having twisted right round in my sleep, dreaming of students, alternative methods of education (reading pedagogy of the oppressed before sleep), balthazara nuzzling me, (which probably wasn't a dream),
managed to get out of bed, but it hurt, took some ibuprofen and some arnica, went back to sleep, then eventually woke up strangely content. still in pain though, certain students aware of the change in my posture, last day teaching a different course today,
& i saw F last night, turns out there is a resonance between us in terms of our families, a certain quality we both have because we have some thing in common that we've both lived through,
x
Thursday, July 15, 2004
last day of term aggression macro-biotic food
so it was the very last day of teaching on one of the courses i teach on (another last day tomorrow), this time last year a fight broke out, during which i was pushed around a bit, not my favourite memory, i remember playing the piano and crying, two of my students walking past (basskid being one), me thinking how i wouldn't want them to see me like this, but they were really good about it.
those same two students were with me today, with two others, one of whom is a white kid in a course of black or mixed-race young people, funny the language we use, they have almost all gone from being kids to young adults in the two years we've had them. anyway this white kid was on his own at first, but recently he has become so much more confident, he has been interacting with the others more,... but the end of term is a place where old aggressions can come to the surface, particularly if you're 16... so my last lesson with them was spent preventing fights, and you know i just don't dig that, had i had some arnica on me i would have taken it, "you're shook"... and that's it exactly, it shakes me. so basskid hung out right at the end and we talked, funny how i could be honest with him about how much i don't like violence, thinking of how we interacted when he first came to us two years ago...
then me & funki g strolled along the river a little, didn't do the river boat we'd said we would but we strolled, a misty rain coming down, over the millenium bridge, the last post work stroll down the river that we'll have for awhile, maybe forever? i'll see her tomorrow but she's being picked up from work, driving down to dover, a ferry, then onto amsterdam... sorely missed she will be.
and in a way, basskid, then funki g, human warmth does arnica's job for it,
& tonight i'm meeting her friend F for some macro-biotic food, some rilke related thing she's burning to tell me about...
those same two students were with me today, with two others, one of whom is a white kid in a course of black or mixed-race young people, funny the language we use, they have almost all gone from being kids to young adults in the two years we've had them. anyway this white kid was on his own at first, but recently he has become so much more confident, he has been interacting with the others more,... but the end of term is a place where old aggressions can come to the surface, particularly if you're 16... so my last lesson with them was spent preventing fights, and you know i just don't dig that, had i had some arnica on me i would have taken it, "you're shook"... and that's it exactly, it shakes me. so basskid hung out right at the end and we talked, funny how i could be honest with him about how much i don't like violence, thinking of how we interacted when he first came to us two years ago...
then me & funki g strolled along the river a little, didn't do the river boat we'd said we would but we strolled, a misty rain coming down, over the millenium bridge, the last post work stroll down the river that we'll have for awhile, maybe forever? i'll see her tomorrow but she's being picked up from work, driving down to dover, a ferry, then onto amsterdam... sorely missed she will be.
and in a way, basskid, then funki g, human warmth does arnica's job for it,
& tonight i'm meeting her friend F for some macro-biotic food, some rilke related thing she's burning to tell me about...
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
asbergers neck curtains
just briefly,
reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, rare for me to be reading a book that so many other people are reading, a very slight unease reading it on the tube for that reason, but a great book.
and in the same way that a couple of weeks ago i suspected that i have a slight dyslexia, i now feel as though i'm slightly autistic, or that i have aspergers syndrome, like the narrator of the book,
what this tells us is that i'm suggestive. i have in the past thought that i was diabetic, when i was much smaller i thought i was allergic to cucumbers, and although that was more carefully constructed than this, the mixture of knowing that i'm not (autistic, allergic to cucumbers, diabetic, dyslexic), and of persuading myself that i am... is similar.
somehow in the last few days, probably on sunday under that cloud, i did something to my neck, possibly it is the result of twisting my head away from the light in my sleep, the curtains remain on my floor and not in my windows... so anyway, it means that i can't make sudden neck movements, i feel all wrong,...
and finally, my sister gave me a card which said "Bro spent a most delightful Birthday chillin' with his bitches.", old fashioned picture of man with several women in ballgowns. then today i got a card from bo, with a picture of dogs: "Jason likes to chill-out with his bitches"...
i got roughly six or seven cards, just less than one third of them had this wierd similarity..?
x
reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, rare for me to be reading a book that so many other people are reading, a very slight unease reading it on the tube for that reason, but a great book.
and in the same way that a couple of weeks ago i suspected that i have a slight dyslexia, i now feel as though i'm slightly autistic, or that i have aspergers syndrome, like the narrator of the book,
what this tells us is that i'm suggestive. i have in the past thought that i was diabetic, when i was much smaller i thought i was allergic to cucumbers, and although that was more carefully constructed than this, the mixture of knowing that i'm not (autistic, allergic to cucumbers, diabetic, dyslexic), and of persuading myself that i am... is similar.
somehow in the last few days, probably on sunday under that cloud, i did something to my neck, possibly it is the result of twisting my head away from the light in my sleep, the curtains remain on my floor and not in my windows... so anyway, it means that i can't make sudden neck movements, i feel all wrong,...
and finally, my sister gave me a card which said "Bro spent a most delightful Birthday chillin' with his bitches.", old fashioned picture of man with several women in ballgowns. then today i got a card from bo, with a picture of dogs: "Jason likes to chill-out with his bitches"...
i got roughly six or seven cards, just less than one third of them had this wierd similarity..?
x
Monday, July 12, 2004
2 bagels 2 books some weird looks some macro-biotic food
31 minutes into my 31st birthday, there's no way i can do justice to the truly wierd and rich day i have just lived through.
what a day
what a day
2 bagels in my left hand
this space against that sound
each word sung into the space of the northbound platform @ borough tube,
1 1 4
b7 b7 b3
the tune of the what a day's.
loving the natural reverb, thinking about the contrast between the delicous silence and the roar of the train when it comes. idle thoughts about whether the reverb is still there on my voice even though the train drowns it out,..?
gave a bagel to that man who ended up at the other end of the platform, he started to make a sound of his own, almost crying i thought, i'll never know. the only other person hearing my voice in that space. "that's diamond" (the bagel).
this after that lovely closing jam @ funki g's party (@ work), D on drums (guitarist who'd played with his band earlier on in the day on clissold park), R on percussion (in D's band), O singing, me on keys. O who i said "surely me must have met before then" so much had i spoken about her with D...
E- F#- Gmaj7 A7
R (funki g's brother) coming in and out on guitar, fixing it in a blues way with his presences, allowing me to take it slightly away from that with his absences,
it became all about space, lovely...
then the journey home, victoria line sat next to this man, started stroking my ear and hair at one point, i raised my eyebrows and he theatrically withdrew, the two women opposite in hysterics, he just one of many looking at me in a strange way, me with 2 bagels and a plastic plate containing (fantastic) macro-biotic food, and my notebook, struggling to read pedagogy of the oppressed.
really not a day to have started that book, under a cloud all day, pulled down my curtains by accident, saw F (who won't get the name funki g calls her here), very nice, her fella cooked the food... strange that i have met her only a few times, (she came to my first ever soiree a year and a half ago - the heavily rilke one), and yet i can be really open with her, not having to pretend that i'm in any state than the one i'm in... and the state i'm in right now is dog tired. the sun is going to wake me up very early later today, my 31st birthday, so hitting that hay..
x
what a day
what a day
2 bagels in my left hand
this space against that sound
each word sung into the space of the northbound platform @ borough tube,
1 1 4
b7 b7 b3
the tune of the what a day's.
loving the natural reverb, thinking about the contrast between the delicous silence and the roar of the train when it comes. idle thoughts about whether the reverb is still there on my voice even though the train drowns it out,..?
gave a bagel to that man who ended up at the other end of the platform, he started to make a sound of his own, almost crying i thought, i'll never know. the only other person hearing my voice in that space. "that's diamond" (the bagel).
this after that lovely closing jam @ funki g's party (@ work), D on drums (guitarist who'd played with his band earlier on in the day on clissold park), R on percussion (in D's band), O singing, me on keys. O who i said "surely me must have met before then" so much had i spoken about her with D...
E- F#- Gmaj7 A7
R (funki g's brother) coming in and out on guitar, fixing it in a blues way with his presences, allowing me to take it slightly away from that with his absences,
it became all about space, lovely...
then the journey home, victoria line sat next to this man, started stroking my ear and hair at one point, i raised my eyebrows and he theatrically withdrew, the two women opposite in hysterics, he just one of many looking at me in a strange way, me with 2 bagels and a plastic plate containing (fantastic) macro-biotic food, and my notebook, struggling to read pedagogy of the oppressed.
really not a day to have started that book, under a cloud all day, pulled down my curtains by accident, saw F (who won't get the name funki g calls her here), very nice, her fella cooked the food... strange that i have met her only a few times, (she came to my first ever soiree a year and a half ago - the heavily rilke one), and yet i can be really open with her, not having to pretend that i'm in any state than the one i'm in... and the state i'm in right now is dog tired. the sun is going to wake me up very early later today, my 31st birthday, so hitting that hay..
x
Saturday, July 10, 2004
9 day old eye
holding a tiny baby, loy, son of B & N who used to work with me, he opens his eye a crack to look into my face, he has only been able to see this world, in the unfocussed way that new born babies see things, for 9 days.
what does he make of me?
what is he dreaming about when he's asleep?
actually funki g asked that second one last night, when we were at nippy & r9's house, me, josiah, L, funki g, B & N, a goodbye dinner for funki g, a week left in this country.
really nice, it was representative of an era at work when they all worked there (except for r9), now just me, L & funki g, and funki g's going to amsterdam. we three were the teachers who mc'd to our students on thursday, our three signatures are on the certificates that our students were given.
whilst i was walking with funki g after work, something which i'll miss, i bought pedagogy of the oppressed by paulo freire, a book we'd talked about on my counselling skills course. from that bookstall underneath waterloo bridge.
lying in bed today when i woke up i finished the shape of a pocket by john berger, which i hope cedric nash will take with him when he goes walking in france tomorrow. fantastic book, very much cedric's thing, some of the writing about images and things,
"Imagine, suddenly, the substantial material world (tomatoes, rain, birds, stones, melons, fish, eels, termites, mothers, dogs, mildew, saltwater) in revolt aginst the endless stream of images which tell lies about them and in which they are imprisoned!"
john berger, the shape of a pocket.
pure cedric nash, pure john berger.
then today went out into the world with dr K, ate @ the amazon cafe, round the corner from manolis's, in fact P, who runs the amazon, used to work for manolis... she eats @ manolis's some sundays, manolis says they are speaking again now. the amazon and manolis's are the only good cafe's for quite some distance. they are both of a very high quality.
we passed through the car boot sale, bought alfie on video amongst other things, then on the way home came accross this little gem stuck down on the pavement:
"Or, an exploration of my dysfunctional memory"
E's birthday today, going to watch the sunset from the bar at the top of the hilton hotel then drink the night away...
what does he make of me?
what is he dreaming about when he's asleep?
actually funki g asked that second one last night, when we were at nippy & r9's house, me, josiah, L, funki g, B & N, a goodbye dinner for funki g, a week left in this country.
really nice, it was representative of an era at work when they all worked there (except for r9), now just me, L & funki g, and funki g's going to amsterdam. we three were the teachers who mc'd to our students on thursday, our three signatures are on the certificates that our students were given.
whilst i was walking with funki g after work, something which i'll miss, i bought pedagogy of the oppressed by paulo freire, a book we'd talked about on my counselling skills course. from that bookstall underneath waterloo bridge.
lying in bed today when i woke up i finished the shape of a pocket by john berger, which i hope cedric nash will take with him when he goes walking in france tomorrow. fantastic book, very much cedric's thing, some of the writing about images and things,
"Imagine, suddenly, the substantial material world (tomatoes, rain, birds, stones, melons, fish, eels, termites, mothers, dogs, mildew, saltwater) in revolt aginst the endless stream of images which tell lies about them and in which they are imprisoned!"
john berger, the shape of a pocket.
pure cedric nash, pure john berger.
then today went out into the world with dr K, ate @ the amazon cafe, round the corner from manolis's, in fact P, who runs the amazon, used to work for manolis... she eats @ manolis's some sundays, manolis says they are speaking again now. the amazon and manolis's are the only good cafe's for quite some distance. they are both of a very high quality.
we passed through the car boot sale, bought alfie on video amongst other things, then on the way home came accross this little gem stuck down on the pavement:
"Or, an exploration of my dysfunctional memory"
E's birthday today, going to watch the sunset from the bar at the top of the hilton hotel then drink the night away...
Thursday, July 08, 2004
inept swap
once more in need of r & r, although jai krishna sorted me right out, went along there with spski, wearing some old but not that knackered shoes, keeping out the rain sooo much more than my current "ran into the ground" versions...
so today we (the 3 teachers), dj'd and mc'd to them (the 7 students), and they dug it. in a funny, laughing kind of a way. the end of the term, almost, and i already feel how much i'm going to miss them, certain of them in particular.
basskid, easier to write about 16 yr olds because they already have their cyphers decided on, originally very challenging, laughed at my shoes very early on, teased me. very hard as a teacher. upset me then needled me because i was upset. classic teenage behaviour, somewhat inexperienced as i was then. shoes in a terrible state.
so quite some time later we were on a residential activities weekend, climbing, i anchored him, he anchored me, trust grew. these days we get on the best out of them...
so as part of the evaluation we did this tune, i dj'd (they laughed) - we all mc'd (they laughed), much later, just before they left, basskid sat at the piano - he has some skill, keyboards are one of the ways you communicate with music software, but he wants to know more,
he said "r*** this is for you", and played a few chords, then a little, messy tune.
in ineptness it matched my mcing.
call and response.
x
so today we (the 3 teachers), dj'd and mc'd to them (the 7 students), and they dug it. in a funny, laughing kind of a way. the end of the term, almost, and i already feel how much i'm going to miss them, certain of them in particular.
basskid, easier to write about 16 yr olds because they already have their cyphers decided on, originally very challenging, laughed at my shoes very early on, teased me. very hard as a teacher. upset me then needled me because i was upset. classic teenage behaviour, somewhat inexperienced as i was then. shoes in a terrible state.
so quite some time later we were on a residential activities weekend, climbing, i anchored him, he anchored me, trust grew. these days we get on the best out of them...
so as part of the evaluation we did this tune, i dj'd (they laughed) - we all mc'd (they laughed), much later, just before they left, basskid sat at the piano - he has some skill, keyboards are one of the ways you communicate with music software, but he wants to know more,
he said "r*** this is for you", and played a few chords, then a little, messy tune.
in ineptness it matched my mcing.
call and response.
x
wind & rain & fresh music & love
so as i was leaving the house today, after a very satisfying, long, long sleep, i was toying with the idea of my jacket, in the end i did wear it.
and it was an insanely jacket-necessary day.
by 3:30, when the school kicked out, the mad, mad wind had been joined by rain, rain, rain.
got picked up by work K, to go to hers and mark, (the non stop gigging weekend was immediately followed by the non stop marking week - marked with work S last night)... get it all done, i touch on my work troubles with her, she gives a measured response, seeming to confirm that she's knowingly involved in said woes.
then i talk to my sister whilst on the bus out of there, she of "just spent a grand on a mac" fame. just as i'm telling her about birthday plans with E, E phones, unsettles me no end, asking for fuel, of the type i so wanted nothing more to do with on my kingdom of my youth walk. also that she'd larged it up with D recently on similar stuff, vaguely unsettling, not sure why...
anyway, more sister talk gets me off the bus at london bridge and i'm shivering, and wierd. i sort myself out, walk along the river for quite some way, as far as the national theatre, before P rings and i head back towards the rehearsal, 29, the killer hiphop band who played both times i've been in the metro, were rehearsing in our space, a little bit of arrangement and it all worked out amicably.
but that walk, grey skies, sometimes biting wind, wet and cold, walking like i had some real purpose, walking those strange thoughts out from under my feet.
then finally the rehearsal, went through some olds but mainly checked out 4 news, felt fresh, once more challenging my leaving head state. good for it to be challenged. still up in the air. if i can more often have this great feeling in the band, creative, positive, rather than jaded and negative, then maybe i don't need to leave?...?
and then when i get home balthazara is singing a wierd song at her catflap, and after a while it becomes clear that there is some rival cat out there, now that we feed her i guess there is more of a risk of rivals coming in, not that it's there yet. balthazara now on my lap, purring. before, turning off lights, going into other rooms to look out of other windows to see this rival, white and black. feel very protective of my cat, want her to feel my love as support for her territorial struggles, now she's nuzzling my nose and my fingers as they dance over this keyboard... love love love love love....
x
and it was an insanely jacket-necessary day.
by 3:30, when the school kicked out, the mad, mad wind had been joined by rain, rain, rain.
got picked up by work K, to go to hers and mark, (the non stop gigging weekend was immediately followed by the non stop marking week - marked with work S last night)... get it all done, i touch on my work troubles with her, she gives a measured response, seeming to confirm that she's knowingly involved in said woes.
then i talk to my sister whilst on the bus out of there, she of "just spent a grand on a mac" fame. just as i'm telling her about birthday plans with E, E phones, unsettles me no end, asking for fuel, of the type i so wanted nothing more to do with on my kingdom of my youth walk. also that she'd larged it up with D recently on similar stuff, vaguely unsettling, not sure why...
anyway, more sister talk gets me off the bus at london bridge and i'm shivering, and wierd. i sort myself out, walk along the river for quite some way, as far as the national theatre, before P rings and i head back towards the rehearsal, 29, the killer hiphop band who played both times i've been in the metro, were rehearsing in our space, a little bit of arrangement and it all worked out amicably.
but that walk, grey skies, sometimes biting wind, wet and cold, walking like i had some real purpose, walking those strange thoughts out from under my feet.
then finally the rehearsal, went through some olds but mainly checked out 4 news, felt fresh, once more challenging my leaving head state. good for it to be challenged. still up in the air. if i can more often have this great feeling in the band, creative, positive, rather than jaded and negative, then maybe i don't need to leave?...?
and then when i get home balthazara is singing a wierd song at her catflap, and after a while it becomes clear that there is some rival cat out there, now that we feed her i guess there is more of a risk of rivals coming in, not that it's there yet. balthazara now on my lap, purring. before, turning off lights, going into other rooms to look out of other windows to see this rival, white and black. feel very protective of my cat, want her to feel my love as support for her territorial struggles, now she's nuzzling my nose and my fingers as they dance over this keyboard... love love love love love....
x
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
bloodshot eyes too much work
way too much, right on the back of those gigs,
too little sleep, and tyically i'm staying up not getting in my bed like i should,
listening to an old track of mine, with a genius bit of sampling missing from it's centre,
mal waldron sounded so nice in this tune & now my computer can't find him, fair enough, probably objected to being chained into this electronic subtlety, there we go, complete silence for a few bars then:
boom.
spoke to D (singer) about leaving her band today. surprisingly good she was, i was worried she would flip out, one more lesson in trusting the individuals in your life to rise to the occasion,
she took a good few deep breathes, we spoke at length about stuff, very nice actually, still haven't committed my heart to it, but then maybe it's the other way round, still haven't listened to my heart fully,....
x
too little sleep, and tyically i'm staying up not getting in my bed like i should,
listening to an old track of mine, with a genius bit of sampling missing from it's centre,
mal waldron sounded so nice in this tune & now my computer can't find him, fair enough, probably objected to being chained into this electronic subtlety, there we go, complete silence for a few bars then:
boom.
spoke to D (singer) about leaving her band today. surprisingly good she was, i was worried she would flip out, one more lesson in trusting the individuals in your life to rise to the occasion,
she took a good few deep breathes, we spoke at length about stuff, very nice actually, still haven't committed my heart to it, but then maybe it's the other way round, still haven't listened to my heart fully,....
x
Monday, July 05, 2004
solstice child wellbeing
gigged with the band, first half with no percussionist, could just make out solstice child in the audience, maybe struck a few poses therefore,
anyway, really got into it - great vibe. rocking gig.
before we got on stage i was singing "second to last gig with this band" over the dj - to myself,
we'll see - this week - how true that still is for me.
2 gigs in 2 nights & both a success. that really feeds some wellbeing inside.
x
oh and i met 2 potential piano students on my journey home, one of whom being a jewellery maker from stoke newington,
x
anyway, really got into it - great vibe. rocking gig.
before we got on stage i was singing "second to last gig with this band" over the dj - to myself,
we'll see - this week - how true that still is for me.
2 gigs in 2 nights & both a success. that really feeds some wellbeing inside.
x
oh and i met 2 potential piano students on my journey home, one of whom being a jewellery maker from stoke newington,
x
Sunday, July 04, 2004
it's not easy being green triumph
a d-link wireless thing i've got going on,
which is a little fragile these days, my computer comes on, i look at the status thing by my clock, willing it to go green, "yes, here is your internet", it isn't easy being green, sing on kermit, and van morrison,
so the gig happened, (first of three on three consecutive days), and it was a triumph.
sat at one point checking out the amount of applause other people were getting, compared to my applause, and i realised that it was cool, how lucky i was to have this audience to play my music to, and that was really it, the priviledge of a listening audience,
nothing like it,
my voice started to go on the very last song, midnight, which was rocking,
right from the point at the start where i could explain my obscure landscape / poetry vibe, start the gig with to holderlin, then straight into the two complementary tunes for E, who was there, hard to hear the second one, but important that she did hear it.
right through to like someone in love with you who never arrived embedded in it, also rocking,
such a wonderful thing to have created a space where i can do that,
and bring others into it too, musicians, listeners,
i could rant all night, my mum and dad are asleep downstairs, i need to be asleep right here,
x
which is a little fragile these days, my computer comes on, i look at the status thing by my clock, willing it to go green, "yes, here is your internet", it isn't easy being green, sing on kermit, and van morrison,
so the gig happened, (first of three on three consecutive days), and it was a triumph.
sat at one point checking out the amount of applause other people were getting, compared to my applause, and i realised that it was cool, how lucky i was to have this audience to play my music to, and that was really it, the priviledge of a listening audience,
nothing like it,
my voice started to go on the very last song, midnight, which was rocking,
right from the point at the start where i could explain my obscure landscape / poetry vibe, start the gig with to holderlin, then straight into the two complementary tunes for E, who was there, hard to hear the second one, but important that she did hear it.
right through to like someone in love with you who never arrived embedded in it, also rocking,
such a wonderful thing to have created a space where i can do that,
and bring others into it too, musicians, listeners,
i could rant all night, my mum and dad are asleep downstairs, i need to be asleep right here,
x
Saturday, July 03, 2004
day of the gig slight rasp
so the day is here.
spent time with all my musicians this week, mostly separately, coming together this afternoon for a short while before tonight,
the soup is happening, cedric nash on the case,
josiah last night dosing me up with echanacia (clearly not spelt like that), a strange old balance with this cold that i am slightly under the shadow of, hopefully i'll make it through to tonight with some kind of voice,
slight alterations necesary to the balthazara feeding experiment, routine and amounts not yet right,
and S departing from this house this morning before i rose, at heathrow as i write this, about to fly to kazahkstan for three weeks, representing her brittanic majesty, lived in this house for 6 months or so, an old friend of mine...
as i came back from josiahs last night, at about eleven, i saw a ghostly white cat on the back wall of some gardens from birnam houses, a little nervy, very ghost like. like a lemur, only i don't know what a lemur looks like, i think i've got that from william burroughs, but this cat sure gave me that vibe, like something out of his the cat inside
x
spent time with all my musicians this week, mostly separately, coming together this afternoon for a short while before tonight,
the soup is happening, cedric nash on the case,
josiah last night dosing me up with echanacia (clearly not spelt like that), a strange old balance with this cold that i am slightly under the shadow of, hopefully i'll make it through to tonight with some kind of voice,
slight alterations necesary to the balthazara feeding experiment, routine and amounts not yet right,
and S departing from this house this morning before i rose, at heathrow as i write this, about to fly to kazahkstan for three weeks, representing her brittanic majesty, lived in this house for 6 months or so, an old friend of mine...
as i came back from josiahs last night, at about eleven, i saw a ghostly white cat on the back wall of some gardens from birnam houses, a little nervy, very ghost like. like a lemur, only i don't know what a lemur looks like, i think i've got that from william burroughs, but this cat sure gave me that vibe, like something out of his the cat inside
x
Friday, July 02, 2004
internet back on risky kissing
really don't know why my internet is back,
but i accept it, just as i accept the risk of kissing A tonight with a big cold, me doing a gig in two days, with my voice,
but that cold isn't going to get me,
went round to L's, played some more, loving having the double bass,
x
but i accept it, just as i accept the risk of kissing A tonight with a big cold, me doing a gig in two days, with my voice,
but that cold isn't going to get me,
went round to L's, played some more, loving having the double bass,
x
Thursday, July 01, 2004
cooking trio
caught sight of myself in the mirror today, not at my best, hopefully will get enough sleep between here and saturday,
L came round last night amidst tube strike chaos, played through some tunes with his double bass, bringing K down at the end to check out the trio vibe, and it was pretty damn groovy. first ever rehearsal so it will be tighter, but it was cooking... very excited about it...
going round to L's after work today, work which is also pretty full on, end of term rapidly approaching,
cycled down to south london yesterday (using the thameslink train part of the way), so nice to be out there using my body in that way, travelling. was at a marking meeting which went on for hours but was good actually, reminded me of how much i enjoy being involved in that aspect of my job...
anyway, on the way back, got to kings cross thameslink and another cyclist asked me if i knew the way to finsbury park...? she was going to go along the main roads and i got to show her the back way, racing through the streets, felt like a cycling local, my first day of cycling for years.... nice
x
L came round last night amidst tube strike chaos, played through some tunes with his double bass, bringing K down at the end to check out the trio vibe, and it was pretty damn groovy. first ever rehearsal so it will be tighter, but it was cooking... very excited about it...
going round to L's after work today, work which is also pretty full on, end of term rapidly approaching,
cycled down to south london yesterday (using the thameslink train part of the way), so nice to be out there using my body in that way, travelling. was at a marking meeting which went on for hours but was good actually, reminded me of how much i enjoy being involved in that aspect of my job...
anyway, on the way back, got to kings cross thameslink and another cyclist asked me if i knew the way to finsbury park...? she was going to go along the main roads and i got to show her the back way, racing through the streets, felt like a cycling local, my first day of cycling for years.... nice
x
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